Chapter 1.35 Lost in the Hurt

"How have I been since we last spoke? One word: Bad."

Erin sighed, back in the doctor's office. It was still rather plain in here. It would look nicer with pictures or something in here as well...

"What happened?" The doctor asked, looking at her.

She frowned "I found out my kind-of daughter was engaged, just like how I was when I was her age." She shook her head a little. "She's not technically my daughter, but I pretty much raised her with my... Roommate." She decided that was the best word for hers and Thomas' relationship.

"It started when she got home from school, she got home about the same time as Connor, my son. She came up to me, and basically said "Erin, there's something I need to tell you",  I could tell she was nervous, so I then responded with

"Okay, what do you need to tell me?" She then showed me the ring..." Erin started telling the story, biting her lower lip.

"I take it you didn't take it too well?" The doctor asked, and Erin shook her head.

"Not well at all. I couldn't help but think about what I did myself. I don't want Rosie making the same mistakes! We started yelling at each other, and then I told her the truth.

I said "I don't want you getting married so young. I did the exact same and I ended up fleeing the city." 

She then responded with "But I love Liam, whether you approve or not, I'm marrying him. I know I'm young, but I won't make the mistakes you did. If I do, then you can gloat all you want about it." I had to admit, she was brave. I didn't even tell my mom, I just got engaged then ran off." She sighed

The Doctor sighed a little "I remember you telling me that you were in the exact same situation as Rosie is. I'm taking that really isn't easy for you."
Erin shook her head "No, its not. I just hope it all goes okay. Its like when you watch Titanic, you know there's going to be a sad ending, but you watch anyway, and you feel bad knowing that you just let it happen, there's nothing you can possibly do, but you still feel bad. With Rosie's engagement, I can't help but feel this way."

He nodded "Apart from her shocking news, has anything else interesting happened lately?" He asked, and she hesitated before answering.
"I had a kinda weird dream last night." She confessed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.
She nodded "Yeah, it has to do with why I'm actually supposed to be here."

"My dream was about me and Thomas." She started, frowning. At least she could actually say his name now. "We were snuggled up together in his bed. For the last few weeks, since Alyssa was born, I've been sleeping in his room. At first it was just because of practicalities, then I just got used to being in the same bed as him." She admitted.

The doctor nodded "Which make it harder still for you to cope with the fact he's not there."

"Yeah... He was laid down next to me, and he was gently nudging me, trying to get me to wake up. I'm not a morning person so I didn't comply too easily." She carried on, frowning a little. "I knew he was awake though, and in this dream I tried to wake up, but I just couldn't." She sighed.

"But when I woke up, he was gone. And I don't just mean recently gone, I mean as if he was never there. The other side of the bed was made and cold, and it felt as if I was always just alone in his room. Once I realize I was alone, I called out for him, but there was just no response." She frowned. "He's gone." She repeated, almost too quietly for herself to hear.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" He asked, looking over at her.

Erin shook her head, "Apart from the story of my dreams, no." She paused before continuing with "Can we talk about those?" She asked, knowing what the other conversation would be about, or who it would be about was more suiting. This way, at least she could put it off.

"Your dreams? They're interesting. How did he leave though?"

Erin sighed slightly, "You love making me uncomfortable, don't you?" She murmured, frowning. "He had to leave early in the morning, so we all said our goodbyes at night. I slept in his room again, like how I usually would. Besides, neither of us exactly wanted to be alone that night. I never really slept close to him usually but that night was different. Everything felt different that night, and the night before." She couldn't trust her voice to raise any higher than a mumble.

"What happened the night before?" He pressed, trying to make her talk more. This session was mostly about helping her realize that he's gone, not exactly helping her heal. You need to know what the wound is before trying to make it better.
"We had a talk, mostly about me ignoring him." She kept her voice quiet. She felt so stupid about that! She ignored him. If she hadn't been such an idiot, maybe all of this could have had a different ending. Maybe she could have convinced him not to go, somehow.

"You ignored him?" The doctor pressed yet again.

"I didn't know what to say to him." She confessed. "I'll miss you seemed too friend-ish. We were more than friends, I mean, how could we not be?" She asked, rhetorically. "We've lived together for years, I know everything about him. We even have a daughter together!" She sighed, "We weren't just friends, there was too much there for simple friendship."
"Yet, you didn't have a proper relationship?"

She looked away, uncomfortable with the conversation. "Can we talk about something else?" She mumbled, not wanting to talk about Thomas, not wanting to talk about how she was too much a wuss to even try at something more. Now he was gone, she could never have anything more with him. He was gone, and will never come back.
"Erin, we really have to talk about what's upsetting you for you to get better."

"What part of 'something else' don't you get?" Erin growled, looking away. She was fed up with this. She knew why she was upset, she didn't need this reminding her.
"Erin..." The doctor warned, looking at her.
"You wanna know the truth?" She quickly snapped, glaring. "Fine! I love him! I didn't realize I did until now, and now he's gone!" She yelled, then bowed her head and started to cry. "He's gone, and there's nothing I can do about it."

Erin cried for a while, covering her face. She hated the fact that she was crying, it was such a pathetic and stupid thing to do, but she couldn't help it. She was upset, she was hurt. She didn't realize her feelings until now, it was horribly ironic in its own sense. The only time she ever had strong feelings for someone, she couldn't be with them.
"Erin?" He spoke a lot more softer this time, more friendly than the usual robotic way he spoke.
She sighed, "I know it'll sound insane when I say this, but when he left, it didn't feel as if he actually left." She admitted.

"Maybe its my own stupid way of not wanting to let go, but when he left, it honestly felt as if he was still here. Not physically, but at least emotionally." She mumbled, running one hand through her hair. "I know you'll probably send me to the nut house for saying that, but, y'know." She smirked, almost bitterly, "honesty and all that jazz." She sighed.

"And now? I'm alone." She mumbled, finally able to say it aloud. "He's gone, and that's just something I have to deal with."
"I don't think you're crazy for thinking that. Maybe its your own way of knowing he was still there, and now he's not..." The doctor trailed off, while Erin just stayed quiet for a while.
After a while, she mumbled "Can we pick this up again tomorrow? I really don't want to talk about this right now." She whispered, not trusting her own voice again.
"We can pick it back up tomorrow."

When she got home, Erin stayed against the door for a while. She honestly wanted to go to sleep and pretend all of this was just some twisted nightmare. It was only the middle of the day though, far too early to go to bed. Even her music didn't seem all too appealing right now.

As she walked away from the door, she was oblivious to it opening. She started sniffling a little as she walked, she was not going to start crying again.
Thomas stayed quiet, noticing Erin was upset. "Erin?" He called, making her just believe she was hearing things. "Are you alright?" He asked again, walking a little closer to her. His boots thudded on the wooden floor as he walked, and that made her realize, maybe it wasn't just in her head. She turned around, and when she saw him, she ran to him.

When she was close enough, she kissed him. She didn't care if it was sudden, or if it was a little too brave. She was done with caring about consequences. She loved him, and she didn't want to let him go. Obviously, he was shocked at first, but he soon joined in with the kiss.

"Uh... Hey." He grinned, confused. Out of all the ways he imagined coming home, this was far from what he thought.
"I love you." She pretty much blurted, "I don't want you to leave ever again. I-I thought you weren't coming home." She spoke quietly again, not trusting herself not to cry. "I know what I said before, but I don't care about the what ifs. I love you." She confessed, and then got a sense of dread. What if he didn't feel the same?

It was a lucky thing that thought was just another 'What if...'

Chapter 1.34 Heart for Love, Hands for Friendship, Crown for Loyalty              

Chapter 1.36 The Bird Born For Joy

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AN: I didn't kill him, I couldn't. See, this was all part of my semi-evil plan to get them together. I wanted to make her realize that she shouldn't be afraid of commitment, and almost losing him would make her realize that.
So, yay! Happy ending! <3